GET A CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP

Tim Beimal 2/14/19 Tim Beimal 2/14/19

Who Wins an Argument?

Dale Carnegie, author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, said there’s no such thing as winning an argument. Why? Because as soon as you view a disagreement in terms of winning or losing, you’ve lost sight of the value of the relationship. The phrase ‘you’ve won the battle but you haven’t won the war’ illustrates our determination to prove ourselves right—unfortunately, what’s lost is often respect, and what’s gained is usually resentment. Carnegie notes that “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Why? Because arguing doesn’t change opinions, it only makes us feel defensive.

It’s completely natural to go into defense mode when someone takes an opposing view on a topic that we care about or is our responsibility. Getting defensive often leads to trouble, so try to get curious instead. Find out why the other person feels the way they do. Look for a solution that can benefit everyone involved. Show others that you’re listening to what they’re saying, rather than planning your next attack while they’re talking.

Keeping an end goal in mind helps us work towards a solution rather than falling into an argument that derails a relationship. Focusing on a goal also helps us step outside of our emotions. Rational facts always trump irrational emotions while helping us stay open-minded.

As you explore perspectives other than your own, you can build a stronger desire for a positive resolution to the issue at hand. Seeing the other person as a teammate instead of an adversary helps build mutual respect and trust.

Successful leaders know that the only way to win an argument is to never have one. They choose to meet conflict head-on because they know something productive can be gained before things turn into a personal battle—or all-out war.

Neck Up Leadership brings together three nationally recognized leadership curriculums into one single source to help you get further faster on your leadership journey. Learn more at neckupleaders.com.

Tim Beimal 1/31/19 Tim Beimal 1/31/19

What is servant leadership?

If you had to make a list of the leaders you love and appreciate most, it’s likely that most or all of them were also great servants. It may seem like a contradiction, but those who lead best are also the ones who have learned how to serve those they are leading.

In his book “The Servant”, James C. Hunter explains that effective leaders must know the difference between power and authority. Hunter defines power as the ability to force or coerce someone to do your will, even if they would choose not to, because of your position or your might. Conversely, he defines authority as the skill of getting people to willingly do your will, because of your personal influence.

Servant leaders know that the more power they use, the less they have; however, the more they serve legitimate needs, the more authority they gain. Helping others builds trust and loyalty, while lording over people only creates resentment and indignation.

Learning to serve the needs of the people around you is the key to growing as a leader. In order to effectively do so, you’ll have to carefully discern needs from wants. In “The Servant”, Hunter explains that slaves serve wants, but leaders serve needs. Take time to look into the lives of the people around you. Find ways to help them meet their needs whenever possible, while steering clear of becoming enslaved to someone else’s wants.

It may cost you some time and effort to serve the legitimate needs of the people around you, but the end result will be worth it. As you help others elevate themselves, you will elevate your leadership journey at the same time. The gift you give is service to others; the gift they give back to you is the authority that will propel you to new heights as a trusted leader.

Tim Beimal 1/17/19 Tim Beimal 1/17/19

Introvert or Extrovert?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Introverts generally prefer solitary activities over interacting with large groups of people. Introverts would rather work through their feelings in a journal or diary than have a conversation to talk things through. Solitude helps introverts recharge their batteries.

Extroverts enjoy talking to other people. They generally love parties and social gatherings. They enjoy meeting new people and gain energy through social interaction.

Once you know which tendencies apply to you, a door of insight that goes beyond behavior can be opened. Knowing why you act a certain way is more important that identifying the actions that were taken.

The same is true in the workplace. Look beyond your team members’ actions or personality profile label. Take time to understand why Dennis never eats his lunch in the break room with everyone else. Listen to the words behind Kay’s incessant chatter.

Extroverts need love, approval, reassurance, agreeableness, and participation. Introverts need solitude, composure, reservation, toleration, and a feeling of being understood. Successful leaders work to cultivate these needs in their team members on an individual basis. When employees see the leadership consistently working to understand them and work with their natural tendencies, a great amount of confidence, respect and trust can be built.

Though introverts and extroverts seem very opposite, resist the urge to silence one and amplify the other. Keep in mind that introverts and extroverts can co-exist with fantastic results. Don’t focus solely on the varying tones produced by these two personality types; instead, listen for the harmony that is produced when each is accentuated, encouraged, and appreciated. A masterpiece of personality is the reward for diligent efforts to include and affirm each member of your team, regardless of their personality traits.

Tim Beimal 11/27/18 Tim Beimal 11/27/18

Positive to Negative Ratio

Are you mostly positive, mostly negative, or somewhere in between? How we answer this question says a lot about our self-perception. But do others perceive us the way we think ourselves to be?

One way to find out is to examine the interactions we have with other people on a day-to-day basis. Think about every person you talked to yesterday. Of those conversations, how many were positive? How many were negative? Do your co-workers and team members see you as a positive person?

Author and leadership guru Ken Blanchard notes that for a manager to be perceived as a positive manager, their positive interactions must far outweigh their negative interactions.

Leaders are tasked with many rigid, bottom line expectations that they must execute along with their teams. Sometimes, these “do or die” requirements can lead to negative interactions. Stress, deadlines, and ever-increasing quotas often bring out the worst. The daily grind isn’t likely to change, so what can leaders do to move from negative to positive?

Positive interactions can be planned. Make it a point to show genuine appreciation to your team members on a regular basis. Build team chemistry by connecting on a personally, not just professionally. Show authentically positive intentions by making time to recognize team members. Build trust by balancing expectation with appreciation.

Maintaining a positive ratio might not be easy or comfortable at first, but it will become more natural with consistent effort. Take time to examine negative interactions and look for ways that they could have been positive. Apply that insight to future interactions while intentionally creating more opportunities for positive interactions. Continue to evaluate interactions, even after you feel like you’ve reached the right positive to negative ratio. Ask others to evaluate your interactions as well. This will create accountability and provide valuable insight from an outside perspective, while building trust with the people you invite to speak into your positive to negative ratio journey.

Tim Beimal 11/1/18 Tim Beimal 11/1/18

How are you feeling?

Oscar Wilde once said, “I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” This desire is one that we can all relate to in some way or another, but it’s truly easier said than done. Add this difficult endeavor to a professional working environment and it can become overwhelming.

Many of us have been trained to believe that feelings have no place in a professional setting. We’ve been taught that our feelings don’t matter, and that emotions should be dealt with after the work is done, and off company property.

This misguided mindset dominated many an American workplace for many decades, but things are changing. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has highlighted a very important truth—humans are emotional beings, and emotions can’t always be turned on and off at will.

It’s been said that emotions are slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions. So, if we can change our thoughts, our emotions will eventually follow. Rational thought and irrational emotions live on different islands, but our thoughts can build a bridge that we can use to manage both to our advantage.

First off, we must learn to allow ourselves to feel emotion rather than trying to bury anything that doesn’t feel convenient at the moment. Take time to understand what you are feeling.

Next, take a look around and consider how others around you are feeling. Understand that any interaction will be affected by the emotions each person is feeling.

Finally, separate emotion from fact. Get unstuck by focusing on the facts, acknowledging your feelings and the feelings of those around you, and take action to reach your goal without undermining or discrediting naturally occurring emotions.

Emotions are designed to inform, not paralyze. Turn the effect of emotions from negative to positive by balancing your mind with rational facts and a commitment to moving forward.

Tim Beimal 10/22/18 Tim Beimal 10/22/18

What does progress look like?

Two steps forward, one step back. This phrase has been used countless times to describe the frustration and discouragement that is felt when progress comes slower than someone thinks it should. We think positive results should be achieved in a predictable manner that is tied to our effort but based mostly on our expectations. When progress doesn’t show itself in a smooth and timely manner, we quote tired old phrases as we wait impatiently for our expectations to be met.

The key to making peace with quirky progress lies in understanding non-consecutive successes. Whether through lazy human nature or sunny optimism, we tend to forecast success at every turn. In a perfect world, this would be the rule; unfortunately, our world isn’t perfect, and stormy weather shows up in the form of failures, delays and unexpected pitfalls. When we begin to adjust our expectations to make room for imperfections, we take a step in the right direction. The farther we move away from perfect-world scenarios, the closer we get to embracing intermittent success.

Think of your favorite movie. The actors never miss a line. Each scene is perfect. From props and costumes to lighting and sound, it’s a masterpiece. Of course, it didn’t all happen on the first cut. In fact, the 90-minute production that won countless awards likely took months—or years—to complete.

Progress in your professional life—and even personal life—will follow the same storyline. Don’t give up on yourself because of a temporary setback. Keep giving a genuine, consistent effort, even if you don’t see progress the first day, week, or month. Success sometimes moves at its own pace, so be patient with the process. Stick to the script by keeping the goal in mind. Find objective ways to measure your progress and celebrate even the smallest gain. It will all be worth it when you reach the red carpet that is your project’s finish line.

Tim Beimal 10/2/18 Tim Beimal 10/2/18

How do you handle tension?

Famed American architect, systems theorist, author, designer, inventor and futurist R. Buckminster Fuller once said that “tension is the great integrity.” Could this be true?

Tension is something we can all recognize immediately; unfortunately, knowing how to handle it is a far less common virtue. Society teaches us that tension is always negative and should be avoided—or removed immediately—if encountered. Great leaders understand this sentiment but have matured to a place of understanding that allows them to use tension as a tool rather than view it as a dangerous adversary.

Step one is to understand that tension can be positive. Think of the strings on a guitar. Each one is under a certain amount of tension. If the string is too tight—or too loose—the music won’t sound good at all. A good musician—like a good leader—knows how to identify, measure, and adjust tension until the perfect result is achieved.

Step two is to understand personal and group tension. Each individual has a different threshold where tension maximizes their potential. Just like the guitar, every person is a different string—some tighter, some looser. Each person produces a sound, but it takes an in-tune group to produce perfect harmony. Understanding individual and group dynamics is crucial to creating the right tension level for your team.

Step three is learning to adjust tension levels personally and in a group. Great leaders listen to the whole group and adjust personal and corporate dynamics until the music is right on key. Time, practice, and continued attention go hand-in-hand with managing tension. It may seem tedious, but remember—even Eric Clapton has to tune his guitar before, during, and after his shows.

Billy Zeinert 9/20/18 Billy Zeinert 9/20/18

Understanding the difference between fault and responsibility

Once upon a time, there was an important job to be done. Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

Chances are, you’ve heard this story before; perhaps your employer even has a copy of it hanging on the wall in the break room. Despite the tongue-in-cheek writing, the message is generally understood: nothing gets accomplished when people fail to take responsibility. When responsibility is abandoned, fault must be assigned—and it’s all downhill from there.

Leaders must learn to separate fault from responsibility. First, work to identify the real issue. Don’t look for someone to blame, and don’t try to assign responsibility to a person. Find out what went wrong without jumping to conclusions. Second, help create a solution. Nothing is gained, and much is lost when we argue and point the finger of blame at people who are on the same team as us. Skip the drama and find a solution that allows everyone to save face and move forward with a positive outlook. Third, be proactive as you move forward. Look for potential danger zones and do your best to address them before a crisis takes place.

Model responsible behavior and do your best to change fault from a shameful word into a teachable concept. As you empower your team with a deeper understanding of fault and responsibility, your cohesiveness and productivity will grow.

Billy Zeinert 7/25/18 Billy Zeinert 7/25/18

Understanding Fair, Equal and Legal

Everyone wants to team up with a leader who is fair, equal and legal. Unfortunately, most people tend to use these three concepts synonymously, when in reality, they’re very different.

Everyone wants to team up with a leader who is fair, equal and legal. Unfortunately, most people tend to use these three concepts synonymously, when in reality, they’re very different. To make matters worse, each individual can have a slightly different perception of what is fair, equal or legal. Mishandling these concepts can lead to dysfunction and resentment down the road.

Successful leaders know that these three concepts can be reconciled, but only with diligent efforts to create a shared understanding among team members. This understanding must be built over time with cooperation and flexibility from everyone involved, and it needs to be based on objective definitions, not subjective feelings.

Equality can often be quantified tangibly. Fairness is based on individual need, and can vary from situation to situation, and from person to person. Legality is based on established, unchangeable rules—it’s not what one person thinks the law says, it’s what is actually recorded in the law books.

Conflict often arises when team members’ perceptions don’t match the leader’s decisions regarding fairness, equality, and legality. Rather than letting conflicts escalate into arguments, the leader can use them as tools to refocus the team and clarify the shared values that have been established. Expectations that arise from these conversations should be based on factual definitions that are clearly understood by each team member.

Consistency is key as the team moves forward. Leaders must make it a point to intentionally revisit the concepts of fairness, equality and legality with your team from time to time. It’s good to ask for input and adjust the expectations when necessary, while making sure that everyone who is required to have an understanding also has a voice in the discussion. Leaders must be patient, understanding and humble when implementing new expectations related to fairness, equality and legality.

Billy Zeinert 3/26/18 Billy Zeinert 3/26/18

Three Tools One Goal: Understand Your Blind Spots

Creating leaders within an organization can be boiled down to two words: blind spots.

Each of us has blind spots to how we interpret information, draw conclusions, and take action. Effective leadership programs awaken individuals to their strengths and preferences, and at the same time, build understanding and respect for their coworker’s strengths and preferences. Behaviors from others that were once seen as different and negative can be understood as alternate and complimentary.

Our experience showed that no one approach gave us the tools we needed to help our clients identify and manage their blind spots. The solution was a layering of three respected curriculums, each based on sound science and proven practical application:

Kouzes and Posner: The Leadership Challenge
MBTI: Meyer’s Briggs Assessment
Emotional Intelligence from Talent Smart.

By bringing together the strengths of these tools, over a relatively short period of time, teams were given the tools, vocabulary and behaviors to better manage change, create accountability and solve problems. The complimentary roles of personality assessment, emotional intelligence and leadership behaviors pulls off personal blinders and puts works on the path to be leaders.

GET A CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP

Creating leaders within an organization can be boiled down to two words: blind spots.

Our experience showed that no one approach gave us the tools we needed to help our clients identify and manage their blind spots. The solution was a layering of three respected curriculums, each based on sound science and proven practical application:

Kouzes and Posner: The Leadership Challenge

MBTI: Meyer’s Briggs Assessment

Emotional Intelligence from Talent Smart.