GET A CHECK UP FROM THE NECK UP

Tim Beimal 8/6/19 Tim Beimal 8/6/19

What’s Emotional Intelligence?

What is Emotional Intelligence (EQ)? Odds are, you’ve heard it talked about many times in the past. Depending on your experience, you may have even run across several different definitions for the phenomenon.

At Neck Up, we understand that there are many roads that lead to the definition of EQ. While several definitions are available, we describe EQ as recognizing and respecting the value of emotions in the decision-making process. We teach two important points that can help change how we interact with our emotions:

1. Recognize and label the emotions you’re having so you can understand their meaning.

2. Respect your emotions by acknowledging them, which will help you learn to better control them.

Mastering these two steps helps people take a huge leap forward in their leadership and relationships. Without EQ, we tend to react to things that happen. A reaction is nearly involuntary. Someone cuts us off on the highway and we get angry, so we holler and honk and shake our fist at them. Our emotions take over and completely dictate our actions.

When we use EQ to our advantage, we can respond to situations rather than reacting to them. When the bad driver cuts us off, EQ can help stop us from making a rash decision. We can feel the anger, but EQ helps us to remain calm. We understand that we are justified in feeling angry, but EQ helps us refrain from saying or doing something we regret, or that could create a more dangerous driving situation.

Emotional reactions have destroyed many leaders and damaged countless relationships. Informed responses have helped diffuse danger and maintain order in many crucial situations that could have ended very badly.

If you’d like to learn more about the power of EQ and how you can use it in your daily life, give us a holler. We’ve seen EQ work in our lives and watched it help our clients prosper many times over. Visit our website and we can point you to a few of our favorite emotional assessments to get you started!

Neck Up Leadership brings together three nationally recognized leadership curriculums into one single source to help you get further faster on your leadership journey. Learn more at neckupleaders.com.

Tim Beimal 6/20/19 Tim Beimal 6/20/19

Introduction to Leadership Training: Five Simple Steps

At Neck Up, people often ask us what we can offer through personal coaching. We have a simple approach that is built on nationally recognized leadership curriculums as well as years of hands-on experience across a wide range of industries.

Our personal coaching process is built on a five-step process that helps clients understand who they are, where they are, where they want to go, who they want to become, and how to get there. Here are our five steps:

1. Self-Awareness: We help clients understand their values, Emotional Intelligence level, and temperament. We have several tools to help improve and clarify these areas to bridge the gap between current reality and future dreams.

2. Personal Leadership: We build off client values while using their input and approach to create a unique decision-making design.

3. External Behaviors: This step helps move people into the spotlight where their leadership qualities can shine. Our methods within this step are backed by the world-renowned Kouzes and Posner Leadership Challenge.

4. Goals: Once clients understand where they are and where they want to go, we help complete the picture by applying tools to help them reach those specific goals.

5. Cadence and Calendars: Tracking goals and seeking their completion is a crucial step. We help clients stay on course while celebrating every victory along the way.

The need for quality leadership is always present, no matter what industry you may work in, and there’s nothing we enjoy more than seeing individuals grow while elevating their team, process, and business. If you’re ready to take the next step in your leadership journey, contact us today. We can’t wait to meet you!

Tim Beimal 4/3/19 Tim Beimal 4/3/19

The First (Emotionally Intelligent) American

The term “emotional intelligence” was coined in 1990 by psychology professors John D. Mayer of UNH and Peter Salovey of Yale. Rutgers psychologist Daniel Goleman later adapted it for use in business leadership. Emotional intelligence has grown in popularity ever since, but the ideas and practice it contains go much farther back in history. One of the greatest examples of the power of emotional intelligence can be traced back to “The First American” – none other than Benjamin Franklin.

The list of inventions, influence and accomplishments attributed to Benjamin Franklin is quite long. He is often remembered as the man who discovered the power of electricity, invented the lightning rod, authored countless political papers, served as a diplomat, and lived a great portion of his life as a civil activist.

The early years of Franklin’s life, however, are in stark contrast to the legacy by which he is remembered. While he possessed great intelligence and a desire to learn, Franklin’s social graces left a lot to be desired. His cocky, stubborn, opinionated behavior as a young man caused people to resent him and avoid him in many circles. He was known as a womanizer who enjoyed the company of several prostitutes and fathered a child outside of marriage, which was cause for condemnation and disdain in the puritan world in which Franklin was raised.

By the age of 20, Franklin finally realized that he needed to develop his character. He created a system of 13 virtues to help him accomplish this goal. Franklin listed the following virtues:

1. Temperance. Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation.

2. Silence. Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation.

3. Order. Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time.

4. Resolution. Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve.

5. Frugality. Make no expense but to do good to others or yourself; i.e., waste nothing.

6. Industry. Lose no time; be always employ'd in something useful; cut off all unnecessary actions.

7. Sincerity. Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and, if you speak, speak accordingly.

8. Justice. Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty.

9. Moderation. Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve.

10. Cleanliness. Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, cloaths, or habitation.

11. Tranquillity. Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable.

12. Chastity. Rarely use venery but for health or offspring, never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's peace or reputation.

13. Humility. Imitate Jesus and Socrates.

Franklin focused intently on these virtues, dedicating entire months to bettering himself by focusing on one virtue at a time. Franklin freely admitted that he often didn’t live up to the virtues that he was trying to live out, but he never gave up.

History often remembers Franklin as a public figure. As his career in business and politics expanded across the American colonies and around the world, Franklin’s endless efforts at self-improvement sometimes went unnoticed. While there are many things we can admire about Franklin’s contributions to the world, perhaps the greatest is the one that underpins all of the outward-facing successes—emotional intelligence, long before it could ever be identified as a buzzworthy term.

You and I may never be as intelligent or talented as Benjamin Franklin—but his life’s story illustrates to us that if we work to attain the skills emotional intelligence, we will have gained the tools that can take us to heights that pure intelligence never reaches. If we learn to master our emotional cues, we can conquer much more than we ever imagined.

Tim Beimal 2/28/19 Tim Beimal 2/28/19

Corporate Values

Great concepts sometimes become so common that their true message gets lost. This often happens with corporate values. Many companies have spent tens of thousands of dollars in consulting fees, research, and committee meetings as they worked to create the best mission, vision, and values statement. Despite the investment, few things are as universally ignored as those placards on the wall that seem to say the same thing as every other one at every other company for which we’ve ever worked.

The best way to bring corporate values back into meaningful focus is for individuals to take time and really think about their personal core values. Have you done this lately? Looking inside can be uncomfortable at first, but the reward far outweighs a few awkward moments every now and then. Once you truly know what motivates you and guides your decision-making process, you can better identify with your company’s culture.

It’s best to know your core values before you sign on with a company in the first place. Many times, people struggle or feel unhappy at their jobs because their personal values are quite different from the ones their employer upholds. This may not seem probable but remember the story of the Princess and the Pea—all it took was one small bump to keep the princess from being comfortable. Core values sometimes work the same way—one small difference can really throw off our productivity and cause us to become really unhappy over a longer period of time.

The true power of core values will grow over time as individuals embrace their guiding principles and then live them out at work instead of having someone else’s trite ideas imposed on them every time they walk through the main entrance.

Tim Beimal 2/14/19 Tim Beimal 2/14/19

Who Wins an Argument?

Dale Carnegie, author of “How to Win Friends and Influence People”, said there’s no such thing as winning an argument. Why? Because as soon as you view a disagreement in terms of winning or losing, you’ve lost sight of the value of the relationship. The phrase ‘you’ve won the battle but you haven’t won the war’ illustrates our determination to prove ourselves right—unfortunately, what’s lost is often respect, and what’s gained is usually resentment. Carnegie notes that “a man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still.” Why? Because arguing doesn’t change opinions, it only makes us feel defensive.

It’s completely natural to go into defense mode when someone takes an opposing view on a topic that we care about or is our responsibility. Getting defensive often leads to trouble, so try to get curious instead. Find out why the other person feels the way they do. Look for a solution that can benefit everyone involved. Show others that you’re listening to what they’re saying, rather than planning your next attack while they’re talking.

Keeping an end goal in mind helps us work towards a solution rather than falling into an argument that derails a relationship. Focusing on a goal also helps us step outside of our emotions. Rational facts always trump irrational emotions while helping us stay open-minded.

As you explore perspectives other than your own, you can build a stronger desire for a positive resolution to the issue at hand. Seeing the other person as a teammate instead of an adversary helps build mutual respect and trust.

Successful leaders know that the only way to win an argument is to never have one. They choose to meet conflict head-on because they know something productive can be gained before things turn into a personal battle—or all-out war.

Tim Beimal 1/31/19 Tim Beimal 1/31/19

What is servant leadership?

If you had to make a list of the leaders you love and appreciate most, it’s likely that most or all of them were also great servants. It may seem like a contradiction, but those who lead best are also the ones who have learned how to serve those they are leading.

In his book “The Servant”, James C. Hunter explains that effective leaders must know the difference between power and authority. Hunter defines power as the ability to force or coerce someone to do your will, even if they would choose not to, because of your position or your might. Conversely, he defines authority as the skill of getting people to willingly do your will, because of your personal influence.

Servant leaders know that the more power they use, the less they have; however, the more they serve legitimate needs, the more authority they gain. Helping others builds trust and loyalty, while lording over people only creates resentment and indignation.

Learning to serve the needs of the people around you is the key to growing as a leader. In order to effectively do so, you’ll have to carefully discern needs from wants. In “The Servant”, Hunter explains that slaves serve wants, but leaders serve needs. Take time to look into the lives of the people around you. Find ways to help them meet their needs whenever possible, while steering clear of becoming enslaved to someone else’s wants.

It may cost you some time and effort to serve the legitimate needs of the people around you, but the end result will be worth it. As you help others elevate themselves, you will elevate your leadership journey at the same time. The gift you give is service to others; the gift they give back to you is the authority that will propel you to new heights as a trusted leader.

Tim Beimal 1/17/19 Tim Beimal 1/17/19

Introvert or Extrovert?

Are you an introvert or an extrovert?

Introverts generally prefer solitary activities over interacting with large groups of people. Introverts would rather work through their feelings in a journal or diary than have a conversation to talk things through. Solitude helps introverts recharge their batteries.

Extroverts enjoy talking to other people. They generally love parties and social gatherings. They enjoy meeting new people and gain energy through social interaction.

Once you know which tendencies apply to you, a door of insight that goes beyond behavior can be opened. Knowing why you act a certain way is more important that identifying the actions that were taken.

The same is true in the workplace. Look beyond your team members’ actions or personality profile label. Take time to understand why Dennis never eats his lunch in the break room with everyone else. Listen to the words behind Kay’s incessant chatter.

Extroverts need love, approval, reassurance, agreeableness, and participation. Introverts need solitude, composure, reservation, toleration, and a feeling of being understood. Successful leaders work to cultivate these needs in their team members on an individual basis. When employees see the leadership consistently working to understand them and work with their natural tendencies, a great amount of confidence, respect and trust can be built.

Though introverts and extroverts seem very opposite, resist the urge to silence one and amplify the other. Keep in mind that introverts and extroverts can co-exist with fantastic results. Don’t focus solely on the varying tones produced by these two personality types; instead, listen for the harmony that is produced when each is accentuated, encouraged, and appreciated. A masterpiece of personality is the reward for diligent efforts to include and affirm each member of your team, regardless of their personality traits.

Tim Beimal 11/27/18 Tim Beimal 11/27/18

Positive to Negative Ratio

Are you mostly positive, mostly negative, or somewhere in between? How we answer this question says a lot about our self-perception. But do others perceive us the way we think ourselves to be?

One way to find out is to examine the interactions we have with other people on a day-to-day basis. Think about every person you talked to yesterday. Of those conversations, how many were positive? How many were negative? Do your co-workers and team members see you as a positive person?

Author and leadership guru Ken Blanchard notes that for a manager to be perceived as a positive manager, their positive interactions must far outweigh their negative interactions.

Leaders are tasked with many rigid, bottom line expectations that they must execute along with their teams. Sometimes, these “do or die” requirements can lead to negative interactions. Stress, deadlines, and ever-increasing quotas often bring out the worst. The daily grind isn’t likely to change, so what can leaders do to move from negative to positive?

Positive interactions can be planned. Make it a point to show genuine appreciation to your team members on a regular basis. Build team chemistry by connecting on a personally, not just professionally. Show authentically positive intentions by making time to recognize team members. Build trust by balancing expectation with appreciation.

Maintaining a positive ratio might not be easy or comfortable at first, but it will become more natural with consistent effort. Take time to examine negative interactions and look for ways that they could have been positive. Apply that insight to future interactions while intentionally creating more opportunities for positive interactions. Continue to evaluate interactions, even after you feel like you’ve reached the right positive to negative ratio. Ask others to evaluate your interactions as well. This will create accountability and provide valuable insight from an outside perspective, while building trust with the people you invite to speak into your positive to negative ratio journey.

Tim Beimal 11/1/18 Tim Beimal 11/1/18

How are you feeling?

Oscar Wilde once said, “I don't want to be at the mercy of my emotions. I want to use them, to enjoy them, and to dominate them.” This desire is one that we can all relate to in some way or another, but it’s truly easier said than done. Add this difficult endeavor to a professional working environment and it can become overwhelming.

Many of us have been trained to believe that feelings have no place in a professional setting. We’ve been taught that our feelings don’t matter, and that emotions should be dealt with after the work is done, and off company property.

This misguided mindset dominated many an American workplace for many decades, but things are changing. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) has highlighted a very important truth—humans are emotional beings, and emotions can’t always be turned on and off at will.

It’s been said that emotions are slaves to your thoughts, and you are the slave to your emotions. So, if we can change our thoughts, our emotions will eventually follow. Rational thought and irrational emotions live on different islands, but our thoughts can build a bridge that we can use to manage both to our advantage.

First off, we must learn to allow ourselves to feel emotion rather than trying to bury anything that doesn’t feel convenient at the moment. Take time to understand what you are feeling.

Next, take a look around and consider how others around you are feeling. Understand that any interaction will be affected by the emotions each person is feeling.

Finally, separate emotion from fact. Get unstuck by focusing on the facts, acknowledging your feelings and the feelings of those around you, and take action to reach your goal without undermining or discrediting naturally occurring emotions.

Emotions are designed to inform, not paralyze. Turn the effect of emotions from negative to positive by balancing your mind with rational facts and a commitment to moving forward.

Tim Beimal 10/22/18 Tim Beimal 10/22/18

What does progress look like?

Two steps forward, one step back. This phrase has been used countless times to describe the frustration and discouragement that is felt when progress comes slower than someone thinks it should. We think positive results should be achieved in a predictable manner that is tied to our effort but based mostly on our expectations. When progress doesn’t show itself in a smooth and timely manner, we quote tired old phrases as we wait impatiently for our expectations to be met.

The key to making peace with quirky progress lies in understanding non-consecutive successes. Whether through lazy human nature or sunny optimism, we tend to forecast success at every turn. In a perfect world, this would be the rule; unfortunately, our world isn’t perfect, and stormy weather shows up in the form of failures, delays and unexpected pitfalls. When we begin to adjust our expectations to make room for imperfections, we take a step in the right direction. The farther we move away from perfect-world scenarios, the closer we get to embracing intermittent success.

Think of your favorite movie. The actors never miss a line. Each scene is perfect. From props and costumes to lighting and sound, it’s a masterpiece. Of course, it didn’t all happen on the first cut. In fact, the 90-minute production that won countless awards likely took months—or years—to complete.

Progress in your professional life—and even personal life—will follow the same storyline. Don’t give up on yourself because of a temporary setback. Keep giving a genuine, consistent effort, even if you don’t see progress the first day, week, or month. Success sometimes moves at its own pace, so be patient with the process. Stick to the script by keeping the goal in mind. Find objective ways to measure your progress and celebrate even the smallest gain. It will all be worth it when you reach the red carpet that is your project’s finish line.